You don’t have to become a beast to become a monster.
I guess no one ever remembers that though, until it is too late. People thought I was a perfectly lovely boy, a gentleman in fact. Well, people were wrong. I may have started out that way, but something changed in me. Something bad.
I don’t know when it started – maybe it was always within me, this feeling of loathing, this monster, maybe it lay dormant in my very soul as it bubbled up and increased as it waited for the perfect time to unleash the monstrous side of me and break free to wreak havoc onto my entire world. But you see, you aren’t born with a certain personality trait or disorder, it is developed. It doesn’t magically appear one day within you, it is grown. The monster inside of me was grown.
I was normal once. I would go to college, talk with friends, laugh with them, hell I even got myself a girlfriend, Kate, so there was even kissing involved most days. I’d kill to get back to that normal.
On second thoughts, I did.
No one knew of the inevitable doom they were about to face by my hand. I was just a normal guy to them, but it was all an act. I still played football, I still went on dates with my girlfriend, and I still went on family outings. I still talked. I still laughed. But inside, I was screaming. Inside, the monster was planning its inevitable escape.
The planning took me months. Months and months of battling with my monster, with my mind. And just like that, one day, the switch had flipped and I found myself being taken over by an uncontrollable force, a force that made me do things I, admittedly, fantasied and yearned to do but didn’t have the guts to. The Hyde to my Dr Jekyll had been unleashed, and before I knew it, I was arriving at college with two rifles and a revolver underneath my new oversized coat.
No one suspected a thing. I casually walked through the hallways, calling out greetings to my so called ‘friends’, sending smiles to the passing teachers. The guns were heavy on my shoulders, it felt as if they were wings. I was the angel of Death, bringing justice to the world and restoring balance. I was unbelievably aware that they were there as I walked into the library. I walked up to the librarians’ desk to sign in and greet Brenda, the librarian, but instead of a friendly greeting, she was greeted with a bullet to the face.
Oh, the blood. It was liberating.
I seemed to forget where I was for a moment, staring at the hypnotic crimson that was pouring out of Brenda’s head. And all I could think of was the aftermath of her death, how her family would grieve, but eventually move on and die themselves, therefore forgetting Brenda. Then everyone in the world would forget about her. But now, I had given her a glorious death, so she will always be remembered. Always.
Alarm bells sounded in the distance, at first I thought they were in my head, making me move into action, but it turned out it was the fire alarm. A student panicked and hit the fire alarm to evacuate the building, I don’t blame them really, the monster that was behind the trigger was quite frightening.
A wave of noise echoed from the hallway beyond the only exit from the library, the exit I was standing in front of. Screams for help could be heard from across the library. Fiona Cross, a girl in the year above, and a bit of a bitch was screaming out of the window for help – she must have been standing near Brenda as she experienced her glorious death, since she was covered in blood.
Since she was screaming for help, I decided to give her what she wanted. Now, I killed her in a different way, slower. First, I shot her in the legs, so she was unable to move, but she kept crawling away, the overwhelming urge a human gets to live taking over her. It was pitiful. I put her out of her misery then, I set her free.
The library turned into chaos after this, students were making a mad dash for the exit, but I got there before them and took them down. I gave them the relief they didn’t even know they needed. My death toll was now up to six, I made sure of that.
After the escape attempt failed, students decided to play hide and seek and what a fun game we had. One by one, I found them. Some were friends, others acquaintances’ and others were people I had never even seen before. I liberated all of them from the mess that is life. I was the angel of Death, I could not be defeated, I felt like God. I felt omnipotent, like I could do anything.
My test was yet to come. Hiding behind a bookcase, was Kate. Now, I didn’t kill her right away, she was better than that, she deserved a better death than the rest, a more memorable death. One that was worthy of her goodness, since out of the entire population of the school, she was one of the good ones.
“Katie, baby” I whispered, pulling her close to me. “Good morning.”
“B-Ben? What are you doing?” She choked out, as I rested my cheek on her head.
“What needs to be done.” I whispered back, moving away from her now, I rested the revolver on her shoulder, she whimpered ever so slightly but never stopped looking at me in the eye. That’s what I loved about her, she never backed down, even from a gun.
So I picked up her hand, and rested it on the gun, on the trigger, then moved it next to my head. She had to pull it. Echoes from outside filled the room – the police had arrived. It would all be over soon. She had to do it. She had to give me my glorious death.
“What has happened to you? How have you become like this?” Kate cried, the gun shaking in her grasp.
“You don’t have to become a beast to become a monster.”